Welcome to Hairy Wart!
Home of the SOUTHERN FRIED SASS DETECTIVE AGENCY and the DRAGONETTES - proof that it's not the size of the scales but the SASS in the flames that makes the Guardsma...ahem, I mean,GUARDSWOMAN.
Bubble, bubble, got your ass in a sling? Oh, Darlin' that ain't no big thing.
Deadman walkin'? Ghost a-talkin'? 'Round here, that just ain't shockin'.
No lawbreaker too evil. No case too small.
All ya' gotta do is call. No ifs, no buts, no coconuts. It's just a fact. We got your back.
Scaled, feathered, or furry, never you worry.
Bless your little heart. We're the only place to start.
Bet your booty–we'll save the day.
Southern Fried Sass, Baby, all the way!
When the Goddess and the Universe team up, with Destiny and Fate shakin' their pom-poms on the sideline, it's more than a Witch can endure.
Buckle up, Buttercups. I'm the Witch your momma warned you about.
It was just another beautiful day in Hairy Wort when Taffy and I happened upon a dead body in the rubble of the Marshall Mansion –
That got up and walked away!
No! I am not messin’ with you. I swear. It really happened.
Just when I thought things were as low as they would go – think the creepy, crawlies creeping and crawlin’ at the very bottom of the Swamp – a tall, handsome Panther with a glint in his eye showed up like he owned the place.
Then you know what he did?
He told everybody he was my Mate.
What the H-E-Double-hockey-sticks am I supposed to do with that pile of Grunch crap? Good Goddess, if you love me, send me a hundred-pound box of chocolate and a gallon of Miss Bunny’s sweet, iced tea.
Hey! Even better, come on down and hang out for a while.
Heaven knows I could use the help.
Dragonettes, Honey Buns, and one dead Piggy Princess! Hang On, Hairy Wort, it’s Lazy Daisy to the rescue…well, sorta.
Pat-a-cake, Pat-a-cake, Baker Bear’s Witch, Oh, dear me, I just flipped that switch. There’s a pig in the oven as dead as can be, Without a heart, or a lung, or a danged kid-ney.
With a zip and a zap and a tappity-tap, I’ll fix this mess even without a catnap.
Got Miss Bunny, Doc Downey, and Granny Cleo, One, two, three, and away we go.
Bubble, Bubble, we sure got some trouble. Another Piggie’s missing, so now it’s double.
Somethin’ sure stinks, but that might be the skunks, Or the Cats, or the Possums, oh heck! They’re all punks.
See ya’ in Hairy Wort. It’s sure to be snort! Come ‘on down! There’ll be laughs all ‘round.
Bubble, bubble, who the hell asked for a bubble?
We’re off to the Swamp, a nasty hex to tromp.
Wanda the wand is rarin’ to scoot, and the crazy Wolf is a root-a-toot-toot. (Sorry, rhyming's not my thing. Talk to Daisy. She's the danged poet.)
Grab your boots, your magic, and a big can of bug spray, I’mma need all the help I can get to keep this evil at bay.
The Dragonettes are out like a light with no little Prince Charmings in sight.
Yes, there’ll be Gators, but no worries, they’ve all been fed. Even that nasty little redhead,
Nannette and her crazy brother, Ted.
P.S. If you see Dash, tell him to get his Slothy butt to the Swamp!
Or, You can get them all in one spot!
Welcome to Hairy Wart, Luuueeesiana.
The tofu's southern fried, and the Soul Food's vegetarian ~
‘Cause it’s just not right to eat your friends.
Here they are! The first FOUR stories in the Southern Fried Sass series - all in one place!
Bubble, bubble, you got trouble?
Don'tcha worry. Don'tcha fret. We'll be there on the double.
No job too big. No villain too crazy.
We're Southern Fried Sass! Somebody wake up Daisy!
OH! And most importantly, (At least in their minds.) meet the DRAGONETTES! Livin', breathin', smokin' proof that it's not the size of the scales but the SASS in the flames that makes the Guardsma...ahem, I mean, Guardswoman.
Take a load off. Put your feet up. And, enjoy!
XOXO Julia
